Weak
by lilbluedancer
Summary: When Thea can't handle the guilt of what she did, it's up to Team Arrow to save her from herself. Roy/Thea lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own Arrow or its characters.**

In the beginning, she was weak.

She was a spoiled, clueless child, and everyone lied to her. Her mother, her father.

And Oliver. Especially Oliver. She's never going to forgive him for that.

After her brother and father died, she learned how to deal with the pain. She pushed it into the farthest parts of her mind, learned how to plaster on a fake smile.

She made a split, inside herself. She built a strong wall between the girl who lost the men she loved more than anything, and the beautiful, wealthy Thea Queen.

She dressed in sparkles and wore lots of eyeliner and didn't think about the half of her family rotting at the bottom of the China Sea.

And then Ollie came home, and the wall crumbled.

She shoplifted and skipped school. She got high on vertigo and crashed her car. She smirked at Oliver and ignored her mother, and she didn't care, because she was Thea Queen, and nothing could hurt her.

Because she didn't feel anything.

Her attraction to Roy was obvious. He was trouble, a lowlife with a temper and a penchant for petty theft.

He was also gorgeous, and sexy. He didn't coddle her like her mother or talk down to her like her brother. He teased her, but he also took care of her, defended her. Made her feel like she mattered in a world where she was mostly powerless.

She remembers one night, lying naked in his bed and whining about his sheets. Saying something sarcastic about his thread count. And Roy had pinned her down and made a joke about nothing being good enough for the princess.

Thea had scowled, and Roy laughed, and said he was joking, but it still stung. It made her feel like a dumb kid, like she was too precious for the real world.

Now things are different.

Roy is gentle and tender and everything she thought he wasn't. He makes sure she eats. He takes care of everything at Verdant when she can't get out of bed.

It doesn't happen a lot, but it happens sometimes.

She curls up under the covers in the dark and thinks about Sara Lance. Thea was twelve when the boat sank, so her memories of Sara from before are a little blurry. A mini Laurel, but with blonder hair and that impish dimple in her chin.

She grew up with the Lance sisters. They babysat her, painted her nails and played dress up. There are videos of her as a small child toddling after them and Ollie at parties.

Thea has a photo that she keeps inside a book on her dresser. When things get really bad inside her head she holds the photo on the floor of the bathroom and cries until she has no more tears left.

She's five or six in the picture. It's Christmas, she knows, because she remembers the dress. It's crushed velvet, cranberry red with a big satiny sash tied around the waist. A little girl's dream of a dress. Her hair is held back by plaid bows.

Ollie is holding her. He's wearing a charcoal Armani suit and his hair is too long. They're both smiling for the camera. He's holding her easily on one hip, and she has skinny arms wrapped around his neck.

On her other side stands Tommy. She is framed by both her brothers. She can spend hours looking at their faces side-by-side, wondering how she never guessed.

And on Ollie's other side, with one arm casually slung around his waist, looking happy and impossibly young, stands Sara Lance.

"Ready to go?" Roy's voice breaks her out of her daydream.

Thea spins around and hops off the stool.

"You okay?" he asks carefully, reaching for her.

She gives him a smile she learned from Moira Queen and takes his hand. "Of course."

xxx

They meet Felicity and Oliver for dinner at Table Salt.

Thea's not really sure what the situation is between them. Oliver insists that Felicity's just a good friend, but Thea sees the way he looks at her. In any case, Felicity is nice and has great taste in clothes, and Thea doesn't mind spending time with her.

Ollie's been doing this a lot lately. Taking her to dinner, arranging outings and movie nights when she's not working. She knows he's trying to distract her. Make her forget, remind her that she's alive.

Thea doesn't know why he bothers. Nothing works. Nothing makes her feel better.

She talks Ollie into letting her drive the Bentley home. He can't say no to her, especially now. She speeds, blows through a red light and signals without turning.

"Who the hell taught you to drive?" he complains.

"Not you," she mutters, changing lanes.

"I know," Ollie says. He sounds annoyed.

"You said you were going to teach me to drive," Thea whines. She's acting out, she's being a brat, but she doesn't care. "Before you left, you said that."

"I _know_," he says again.

"You're a terrible brother," she tells him. "You missed my junior high graduation, and getting my braces off, and my first high school dance-"

"Jesus, Thea, I get it," he snaps. "Are you mad at me or something?"

"No," she mumbles.

It's quiet for a moment, just her and Ollie and the glittering lights of Starling City.

"So who taught you to drive?" Ollie asks quietly.

"Tommy," she says viciously, and watches his face slowly turn white.

xxx

The thing about guilt is, it doesn't just go away. It lingers, festers. It takes over.

Thea has lots of tricks to make the guilt quiet. It never goes away but she can make it less intense. 

Drinking is the best but it's tricky, because if she gets too drunk she gets emotional. Everything she's been repressing floods back in sharp relief and it's too much.

She's careful with alcohol.

Sometimes she grabs her forearm or her thigh and _pinches_, and in the sharp stab of pain she feels better, like she's paying a slow penance. Her arms and legs bruise. She likes to poke at them, dig her finger into a soft purple spot until it's hot with pain.

"When did you become such a klutz?" Roy asks one night, running his hand over a yellowing spot on her hip.

Thea shrugs. "I must have bumped into something."

"You've been bumping into things a lot, it seems," Roy comments.

"Haven't noticed," she says casually.

"Thea."

"Can we not do this right now?" Thea asks, trying to sound bored, like it doesn't matter.

"Fine. What do you wanna do?"

"I dunno..." Thea gives him an impish smile and tickles his ribs.

"Oh, you want to play, little girl?" Roy grabs her wrists and flips them so he's straddling her on the bed. Thea shrieks as he tickles her, but slowly the shrieks turn to other sounds as Roy's fingers slow to firm strokes.

Thea bites her lip, and tries not to roll her hips against his. She's been insatiable lately. She can't get enough, desperate to lose herself under his touch.

For a way to forget, even for a few minutes, what she's done. Who she is, now.

"Thea," Roy says warningly.

"Please," she whispers, her voice breaking. "Roy, please."

"Okay," he says softly. "It's okay."

Roy eases down on one side of her and pushes her silky black boy shorts down. He cups the inside of her thigh, rubs his thumb across her skin.

"Roy."

"Shh." Roy smooths the hair back from her forehead and moves his hand to cup her between her legs.

Thea exhales, letting herself relax as he parts her. He touches her in firm confident strokes, his strong fingers knowing exactly the way she likes to be touched.

"That feels good," she murmurs, his hand cool on her feverish skin.

"You wanna come?" he asks softly, nuzzling her throat.

"Not yet," Thea pants.

She reaches up and slips her hand under his basketball shorts, finding him hard and ready for her.

Roy shucks them off quickly and gets a condom out of her nightstand. She leans back on her elbows, watching as he rolls it on and kneels between her legs. Roy pauses, a look on his face that seems like concern, and Thea reaches up to kiss him.

"I want this," she tells him. "I _need_ this."

That seems to snap him into action. He leans down, putting his weight on his elbows, and pushes into her. Thea groans into it, the relief of feeling full encompassing her.

"More," she begs, and Roy goes deeper, hitting her with a steady rhythmic stroke that makes heat curl in her belly.

He's relentless, hitting her again and again until she's crying out, begging him to fuck her. Roy growls and pulls her up, flips her around so she's on her knees. He grips her hips and slams into her, again and again and again.

"Is this what you want?" he grits out, fingers tightening on her. "You want it hard, huh?"

"_Yeah_," she moans. It's best like this, fast and rough and blinding. Sara goes away, Malcolm goes away.

The guilt goes away.

"Come on," Roy urges her, his hips moving faster. "Come on, Thea."

His fingers slip between her legs and he _flicks_, and she flies apart, screaming out and going boneless against him. Roy quickly follows her, groaning softly and kissing the side of her neck.

She falls asleep with her legs tangled in his, her mind blissfully blank.

It doesn't last long. It never does. 


	2. Chapter 2

Roy finds her in the bathroom in the middle of the night. She's curled up in the fetal position on the bathmat, sobbing, in the dark.

Where she deserves to be.

Roy flicks on the light, making her startle. He doesn't say anything, doesn't need to. They do this almost every night.

He gets a washcloth and wets it in the sink, bends down to wipe the tears off her face. She lets him even though she doesn't stop crying, tears flowing as fast as he can clean them up. She falls into him, clinging to the solid heat of his skin.

"They're dead," she cries. "They're all dead."

"It was just a dream," he says softly. "It's not real."

"It is real," she argues tearfully. "Sara's dead. I killed her."

"I know, baby." Roy presses his forehead against hers and for one second the pain goes away and she can breathe with him.

He reaches up behind them and pulls a hair tie off the sink counter. She sits still, lets him pull her short hair into a makeshift ponytail.

There's a determined look of concentration on his face that reminds her of Ollie, struggling to put her hair into a bun before ballet class. Someone's mother taking pity on them, teaching him how to twist her hair and slide the little pins in.

Roy picks her up, cradling her like a baby, her head on his chest, and carries her back to bed. She's crying in full force again, her tears sliding down her face and falling on his chest.

"It hurts," she sobs, her hands splayed on his ribs. "Roy, it hurts."

He rocks her in his lap like she's a child, rubbing her back and whispering soothing nonsense in her ear. For a second she allows herself to imagine him doing this with their child. A baby with her eyes and his sandy hair.

And then she remembers that she's a killer, and that's a kind of happiness she doesn't deserve.

She thinks of her mother, cool and graceful until the end. Trying to protect her, dying for her.

"_Thea, Thea_." He's whispering her name like a prayer, lips soft on her forehead.

"I want my mom," Thea cries.

Roy looks worried. "Maybe I should get Oliver."

"No!" She doesn't want him. She doesn't want her brother, who took her halfway across the world to tell her the truth, who lied and lied to her.

"I just want you," she whispers, snuggling into his chest."

"You have me," he says. "I'm right here."

She holds onto him, lets the guilt and the pain wash over her in full force and it _hurts_, it makes her want to die.

"Thea! Thea, breathe."

She gasps, sucking oxygen into her lungs.

"Just breathe," Roy says. "I've got you. All you have to do is breathe."

xxx

There are pills at the foundry.

She knows this, of course, but the information hasn't been relevant until now. She's seen them, white bottles with long names on the labels, lined up on the shelf above the med table in a glass cabinet.

They're emergency pills, for when Ollie or Diggle or Roy gets hurt. Not that Ollie would take them anyway, (her brother is such a _martyr_) but they're there. Little white pills promising oblivion, waiting for her.

She goes down to the foundry when she knows no one will be there. Roy is at Verdant when she gets there after hours. She tells him she has paperwork, mountains of paperwork, and she doesn't want anyone bothering her. Roy nods absentmindedly and goes back to taking inventory.

He's used to this, the way she acts cold, pushing him away, only to run to him later in tears, expecting all to be forgiven. He takes it all in stride, never gives her a hard time.

She's starting to think he's a better person than she ever was.

She doesn't go to her office. She enters the code to the door of the foundry and creeps downstairs, conscious of her heels clacking on the steps.

She has to climb up on the counter to get to the pills, and she curses Ollie's height. Selfish bastard, putting them up so high. She finds a bottle of painkillers and takes it out, palming it to read the label.

There's a part of her, the part that's a teenage girl looking for a thrill, that feels fluttery, her heart pounding in anticipation of the high. How good it will feel to let go, to let the guilt get washed away.

She debates against taking the bottle; surely someone will notice that it's missing. So she opens it, shakes a generous amount into her palm. She transfers the pills to her handbag, a little vintage Chanel that used to be her mother's.

She's closing the purse carefully, fingering the interlocking c's on the clasp, when she hears the beep of the access code of the door. Thea jumps, moving fast to put the bottle back in the cabinet and swinging down from the counter.

"Hi, Thea." It's Felicity, decked out in a slinky blue dress and stilettos, a pale pink coat draped around her shoulders. "What're you doing here?"

Thea shrugs lamely. "Just hanging out," she lies, staring down at her shoes.

Felicity smiles at her, bright pink lipstick set against white teeth. No wonder her brother is smitten. Felicity is like a girl in a shampoo commercial, cheerful and bright and unblemished.

"I thought you and Ollie were at dinner," Thea comments.

Felicity rolls her eyes. "Well, we tried. I'm sure one night we'll be able to make it through a meal without the city going to shit."

Thea laughs hoarsely. "Good luck with that."

"Are you okay?" the older girl asks, one hand touching Thea's arm lightly.

She twists out of reach, moving towards the stairs. "I'm fine."

Felicity only chuckles. "You are just like your brother."

Thea stops, unsure if she's just been insulted or given a compliment. Felicity smiles knowingly and shakes her head. "You don't have to be strong all the time, you know."

"Oh," Thea says softly.

Felicity sits down at the computer, her fingers flying over the keyboard as the screen lights up. "You can stay here, if you want. I'm just running a few programs."

"That's okay." Thea walks up to the stairs, puts her hand on the railing. It's tempting, to stay down here with this woman who makes her brother's face light up, who smiles at Thea like she's not an annoying kid sister, like she cares.

And then she thinks of another blond girl who will never smile again, and Laurel, who looks through Thea like she's invisible, and she feels sick.

"I have to go," she mumbles.

"Okay." Felicity gives her a kind smile that only amplifies her guilt. "See you later."

Thea trudges up the stairs, listening to the telltale rattle of pills sliding around the bottom of the bag.

xxx

She hides the pills in her jewelry box.

It has a false bottom that lifts right off if you know how to do it, and she leaves the pills there to nest with her diamonds and pearls. Once she reaches in without looking and almost swallows a diamond stud.

She only takes them when it's an emergency. An emergency, for Thea, is when the guilt gets strong enough to start talking to her. It tells her that she's a killer, a bad person, just like her father. It gives her suggestions, reminds her where Ollie keeps the sharp knives in the kitchen.

It tells her she was an accident, a mistake. She tries to remember her mother's words when she admitted the affair. No, not an affair, her mother was insistent about that.

She's not even a love child. She's just a slip up. She's not supposed to be here, anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

She waits for Roy in her bed.

He's out patrolling with Oliver but he promised to come over when they're done. He sleeps at her place almost every night, because she can't sleep without him. They stay at his place occasionally but mostly here, in her loft, in her queen-sized bed with silk sheets.

She took half a pill an hour ago, just to take the edge off. She's trying to be better, trying to act like a normal girl. Tries to remember to smile and clean her plate and put on mascara.

When Roy finally comes in it's late and she's sprawled out on the bed in a black negligee, a bottle of champagne between her thighs.

"Hey," he says, stopping in the doorway. "What's the occasion?"

"No occasion." Thea smiles seductively. "Shut the door."

He has his hoodie and jeans off in seconds, joining her on the bed. Up close he looks tired and his knuckles are scraped.

"Poor baby," she murmurs, kissing them.

"I'm fine," Roy says, shrugging it off. He takes a slug of champagne from the bottle, passes it to her.

Thea gulps greedily, swallowing bubbles. Warmth loosens the persistent knot in her chest and she relaxes, swinging her feet into his lap.

"Easy there, killer." Roy snatches the bottle out of her hands and she pouts.

"You're spoiling my fun."

Roy places a hand low on her thigh, heat soaking into the muscle. "You sure about that?"

She leans into him, moves his hand a little higher up. "Maybe."

Roy grins. "Open your mouth."

She complies and Roy tilts the bottle, champagne going down her throat. She giggles and it spills, sticky liquid rolling down her chest.

"Oops." She bats her eyelashes and Roy growls, pulling her down to lick it off.

He tugs the negligee up over her head, murmuring his approval at her nakedness underneath. She feels good. The pill's come on and the alcohol mixing in gives her a warm heavy feeling.

Roy pulls her breast into his mouth and she moans loudly, his tongue swirling around her nipple. She swallows champagne above his head, one hand fisting in his hair.

"Share," Roy admonishes, and she hand him the bottle, watching his throat work as he swallows.

Roy places the bottle on the floor and moves down the bed so he's level with her hips. He plants kisses on her belly, her hipbones, moving down until his head is between her legs.

She plants a foot on his chest, pushing him away. She doesn't want that. It's too good, too intimate. She wants it hard and dirty; she wants him to punish her.

She thinks about it a lot, what he would do if she asked him to hurt her.

"What's wrong?" Roy asks, looking hurt.

"Nothing," she says breezily.

"But don't you want-"

"Not now," she says, and pushes him back on the bed.

She yanks his boxer briefs down, wraps her hand around him. She grips him tightly, moving her hand until he's hard and ready. She rolls over the side of the bed to get a condom, ripping the package out and handing it to him.

Roy sits back against the headboard, making quick work of it. She straddles him, raises her hips to line them up.

"Wait," Roy says, fingers brushing her clit.

"It's fine," she grits out, swatting his hand away. "Just do it already."

Roy frowns, catching her wrists in one hand. "Won't it hurt?"

"Stop worrying and give me what I want," she snaps, and slides down so he's inside her.

Roy gives her a look and she raises her eyebrows.

"See?" She murmurs. "Fine."

"So stubborn," he mutters.

"I'm a Queen," she reminds him.

"Believe me, I'm aware," Roy says dryly.

"Can you please just fuck me already?"

"Well," he pretends to contemplate. "Since it you said please."

They go for a long time, until they're both slick with sweat. She rolls her hips frantically, desperate for more, always more.

"Thea." She can tell he's close, his eyes shut tight and a grimace on his face.

"Don't come," she orders, taking him as deep as she can but its not enough.

"Harder," she demands and Roy dutifully snaps his hips up, pounding into her.

"You gonna come _again_?" he pants.

"I need more," she whines, high and needy.

"Jesus Christ." He puts his index finger on her clit and rubs roughly.

"Hit me," she cries out, grinding hard against him.

"What? _No_."

"Do it," she gasps, tightening around him. "I want you to."

"Thea, stop it," he pleads, but she's drunk and she can't.

"I said, hit me!" she cries, and comes on his cock, and as soon as it's over he pushes her off him.

"What the fuck?" Roy yells, pulling his boxer briefs on and yanking his jeans on over them. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Why couldn't you just do it?" she counters. Her head feels fuzzy and it burns between her legs.

Roy looks disgusted. "Because I love you."

"What does that have to do with it?" she snaps, pulling on a robe over her naked body.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why would I want to hurt you?"

"Because I asked you to!" she yells.

Because she doesn't deserve pleasure. Not anymore.

Roy rubs his eyes and opens her door. "I'm tired," he says wearily. "I'm going to sleep at my place tonight."

"Roy, wait!"

She follows him to the living room, pulling on his arm. He shakes her off and she _screeches_, and yanks on his hand, hard, nails digging into his skin.

"Thea, knock it off."

"Make me."

He pulls her wrist and bends it until she cries out, her hand releasing him.

"I don't want to do this," he says, pain in his voice. "Why are you making me doing this?"

"Hit me and I'll stop."

"Thea, you're drunk. You don't even know what you're doing."

She strikes, a hard kick to his ribs, and Roy grimaces as he stumbles back.

"This is what you want?" he asks, circling her like she's prey. "You want to fight?"

"Come on," she slurs. He's right. She's drunk and she wants to be punished, wants to feel his hands take her apart.

Roy comes at her too fast, has her back pinned to his chest before she can blink.

"I'm not _him_," Roy says angrily. "I won't hurt you."

Thea kicks wildly, screaming. Her foot connecting with a vase and it shatters all over the floor.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Suddenly Oliver is standing in front of them, looking _livid_. Roy releases her and they jump apart.

"Nothing, Ollie," she murmurs, looking away.

"This doesn't look like nothing, it looks like you were fighting." Ollie turns and sets his sights on Roy. "Well?"

Roy looks at her, and looks back at Ollie. "Nothing man, we were just messing around."

Ollie glares at him. "Then why was my sister screaming?"

"It's not his fault, Ollie." Thea defends.

"What's not his fault?"

"Nothing, just stay out of it!"

"Thea!"

"I'm out of here," Roy mutters, zipping his hoodie up.

"You're not going anywhere until one of you tells me what's going on!" her brother commands.

"You want to know what's going?" Roy says snidely. "Ask your sister."

"Roy, please don't go," Thea begs.

He shakes his head at her. "I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."

"_Roy_."

"I'll call you later," he says, and walks out of the loft.

"What the hell did you have to do that for?" Thea screams.

"Thea, calm down!"

"God Ollie, why couldn't you just stay out of it?"

"You were screaming!"

"I was _fine_."

She stomps past him, walking right through the broken glass. "I'm going to bed."

"Speedy!"

"Screw you, Ollie," she hisses, and slams her bedroom door shut.

She goes straight to her jewelry box and grabs a few pills, tosses them back with flat champagne.

She falls asleep crying. In the morning the glass is cleaned up and Ollie is gone.

xxx

Thea skulks around for a few days, feeling embarrassed and stupid. She throws herself into Verdant, going in early and staying late into the night.

She avoids Oliver, going straight to her room every night when she comes home. She doesn't want to talk to him, because she can't explain.

She can't look at her brother and tell him that she's so angry at him that sometimes she wants to go to the foundry and break every arrow she can get her hands on.

It's not just him.

She's angry that she never knew Tommy as her brother while he was alive. She's angry that her father is dead. She's angry that her mother is dead.

She's angry that Malcolm Merlyn turned her into a killer.

Or maybe that's just genetics.

She's angry about that too. She feels dirty, tainted. _Less than_.

When it comes down to it, it's simple.

She hates herself.


	4. Chapter 4

Roy finds her in her office at Verdant.

"Can I come in?" he asks, hanging in the doorway.

"Sure," she says. She gives him a professional little smile and gets up from her chair. "What's going on?"

Roy gives her a look that cuts her straight to the core. "How are you?"

"I'm alright."

"Yeah?"

She raises an eyebrow at him. "You said you were going to call."

"I was. I thought maybe you wanted some space first."

"Three days worth of space?" She smirks at him. She's so proud of herself, acting calm, acting professional.

He doesn't need to know that she spent the past few days in a frenzy, hand glued to her phone. Wondering if 'I can't do this anymore' was code for 'I'm breaking up with you."

"Thea."

"Roy."

"Would you just get over here please?" Roy reaches out to her and she takes a few steps, trying not to wobble in her heels.

He crushes her to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She has to shut her eyes tight, tears threatening to spill over. Nothing in her life has ever felt as good as this does, right here.

"I love you," Roy whispers.

Thea sniffs and buries her face in the crook of her neck.

"Thea."

"I'm okay."

"Thea, look at me."

She surreptitiously wipes her eyes on his shirt and tilts her head up to look at him. His blue eyes are glassy.

"I love you," he says. "But don't ever ask me to do that again."

Thea exhales shakily. "Okay."

"I mean it, Thea."

"I know."

Roy tucks a curl behind her ear. "You sleeping any?"

"It's kind of hard without my security blanket..." She gives him a flirty smile. "You're the blanket."

"Yeah, I kind of got that." Roy grins. "I could come over later."

Thea swallows and tries to act cool. "If you want."

One of Roy's hands slide up the back of her shirt. "Oh, I want."

xxx

She goes back to the loft in a great mood, intent on taking a hot shower and maybe popping a stolen pill while she waits for Roy, when Oliver catches her.

"Hey Speedy, do you have a second?"

_Damn_.

She whirls around, plastering on an annoyed smile. "Can't talk Ollie, Roy's coming over later."

"So he's not here now."

"I have to get ready."

"I thought you guys were fighting," Ollie comments, and she freezes.

"We're fine," she says stiffly.

"Thea, you know you could talk to me if you were, right?"

"Like you talked to me?" she spits out.

Her brother has the grace to look sorry. "I was protecting you."

"You were lying to me."

"Thea, we talked about this."

"No Ollie, you talked. You lied and you lied to me, and you think saying sorry is going to fix it?"

"Thea, I'm doing everything I can to fix it!"

"You can't fix it. I killed Sara, and you knew. You _knew_, Ollie."

"Look, Speedy." Oliver takes a step towards her and she stumbles back, watching him frown. "I know you're having a hard time right now, but you have to try, okay? You have to or this is going to eat you up inside."

She gapes at him. "You think I'm not _trying_? Are you kidding me? You have no idea how hard I try. I'm not like you, Ollie! I can't handle it the way you can!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind," she mutters.

Oliver looks devastated. "Say it."

She can't look at him. "I'm not a killer like you are."

Oliver doesn't say anything. The look on his face tells her everything she needs to know.

The front door slams loudly behind him when he leaves.

xxx

Ollie stops talking to her.

There are no more family dinners at Table Salt, no late night joy rides. Operation Cheer Up Thea has clearly been shut down.

It's not that he's mean to her, or even disappointed.

He acts like she isn't there at all.

xxx

"What the hell is up with your brother?" Roy says, wincing, as Thea holds an ice pack to his bruised ribs.

Her jaw tightens. "What do you mean?"

Roy gives her a look. "He lost it tonight, Thea. If I hadn't been there with Dig...I don't know if I would've been able to stop him on my own. Something's up with him."

Thea sighs. "We got in a fight."

Roy shifts on the couch. "About?"

She bites the inside of her cheek. "I may have called him a killer."

"So?"

"Roy!"

"He is a killer!"

"I may have implied he had no conscience."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

Roy scratches his eyebrow. "Were you guys talking about Sara?"

Thea goes very still. "Why would you ask that?"

"Come on, Thea. Everything's about Sara."

"No it's not."

Roy raises an eyebrow. "The other night, that wasn't about Sara?"

"That's not fair," Thea snaps, snatching the ice pack up and moving to put it back in the freezer.

"Hey, I kind of need that."

"Get it yourself."

"Thea, come on! Don't do this."

"Don't do what?"

"You think I don't get what you're doing?" Roy asks, easing off the couch slowly so he can stand level with her.

She crosses her arms across her chest. "What am I doing, Roy?"

"You're punishing yourself for something that isn't your fault."

"You know the last thing that Sara saw? Me. Firing arrows at her. Tell me how that's not my fault."

"It was Malcolm. He used you, and you know that. _That_ is not your fault."

"But I did it. She died because of me."

"Okay, fine. Whatever. Either way, Sara's dead. What are you going to do, punish yourself forever?"

Thea raises her chin. "Maybe."

Roy's hands touch her waist loosely, giving her room to slip out of the embrace. "Don't do this, Thea."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're better than this."

She laughs bitterly. "No, I'm not."

Something like fire flares in his eyes. "I'm not going to let you do this."

She sighs. "Do what, Roy?"

He backs them up, pushing her until she's against the window. "I'm not letting you go back to the girl you used to be, who drank and got high just to deal with all the craziness around her."

A hysterical laugh bubbles up and escapes her. "Guess what?" she says, and then she's full on laughing, hands around her stomach. "You're too late."

Roy steps back from her. "What?"

She laughs and laughs, madness swirling in her brain. She's going to ruin this, right now, she knows it. The voice is back, telling her she never deserved him. Doesn't deserve his love, his concern.

"You wanna see?" she taunts.

She makes him chase her to her bedroom and holds up her jewelry box triumphantly. She pops off the bottom, digging out a handful of pills.

"Guess you know me pretty well, Roy Harper," she says, and then she swallows.

"What the fuck did you do that for!" he shouts. He smacks her hand and pills go scattering. "How many did you just take?"

"I don't know. Two. Three. Maybe more."

She's a terrible person. She wants him to scream, she wants him to rip her open and let the evil out.

She knows she's about to get high out of her mind and she sways against him, watching the horror on his face. "Do you still love me now?" she drawls.

His phone rings.

Roy moves suddenly, pinning her to his chest with one arm and answering the phone with the other.

"This isn't a great time, Felicity."

Thea doesn't know what Felicity says but Roy's mouth drops open. "You've got to be _kidding_ me."

There's a long pause and then Roy says, "Yeah, I understand. We'll see you downstairs."

He hangs up and groans softly. "Oliver was just arrested."

"What? Why?"

Roy pinches the bridge of his nose. "Assault. He got in a street fight."

"Idiot," Thea says.

"Come on, we have to go bail him out."

"No thanks," she says, faux polite. "As far as I'm concerned he can rot in there."

"You don't mean that," Roy says tiredly.

She doesn't, but that's not the point. She's still mad at Ollie and she's about to be very, very high. Police stations are a major buzzkill.

"Thea, don't make me carry you out of here."

She looks pointedly at his bruised ribs. "I don't think you'll be carrying anything tonight."

"And as soon as those pills come on you're going to be high as a kite. I can't leave you here. Quit arguing and get your shoes on."

"Roy."

"Goddmamnit Thea, just do it," he snaps.

"Fine," she grumbles. "God, you are no fun."

Roy looks at her, and something in her stomach contracts. "There's no way I believe for one second you're doing this because it's fun."

She doesn't say anything back. They both know he's right, anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I don't own Arrow or its characters. Please leave a review if you like this, they keep me going!  
**

Felicity drives them to the police station. Roy sits in the backseat with Thea, makes her wear her seatbelt even when she tries to take it off so she can lie down.

He was right, by the time Felicity picked them up in front of her building she was stoned, barely able to move her feet to get into the car.

She stares out the window at the bright lights of Starling City. She squints, tries to make the glittering blur coalesce into something solid. Like a heart maybe. Or an arrow.

"How you doing?" Roy asks worriedly. "Feel okay?"

Thea giggles. "I feel amazing."

He takes her pulse and frowns, rubs her hands between his.

"I'm okay," she says softly, her head tilted to the window. "Look at the pretty lights, Roy."

She tries to lift a hand to point them out to him but her arm is just so _heavy_, and the hand drops into her lap.

"Look at me," Roy says, and turns her head away from the glass. He gets up close to her face and stares into her eyes.

"Hey, blue eyes," Thea says. The words come out funny, like they've been rolled around in her mouth.

"Your pupils are pinned as hell," he mutters.

"Is she okay?" Felicity asks from the front seat.

"She's fine," Roy says, at the same time Thea says," I'm fucking _amazing_."

"Is she high?" Felicity asks. "She sounds high. Not that I would know from personal experience, but she does not sound right."

Thea laughs. "Busted by the blond."

"Your brother is going to kill you," Felicity says cheerfully. "After I kill him for getting his ass tossed in jail, of course. I don't know _what_ his problem is."

"Let him," Thea slurs. "He'd be doing me a favor."

"Be quiet, Thea," Roy admonishes.

"What is she talking about?"

"Sara _fucking_ Lance," Thea mutters. "You knew, didn't you Felicity? You're liars, all of you."

"Well," Felicity says quietly. "I guess you're still mad about that, then."

"Of course you knew. You're fucking my brother, right?"

"Don't be a bitch," Roy admonishes.

"No," Felicity says, sounding tense. "We're not _fucking_."

"That's stupid," Thea says. "He obviously likes you."

"We're friends," Felicity says calmly, checking her blind spot before turning.

"Please," Thea scoffs. "You're pretty, and you're like, scary smart, and you totally have his balls in a jar. It's kind of gross, actually."

"Really?" Felicity asks.

"_Totally_."

"Balls in a jar," Felicity repeats. "Interesting."

xxx

Roy stays in the car with her while Felicity goes inside the station to post Oliver's bail.

When he finally unbuckles her Thea melts into him, snuggling under his arm and letting her head fall on his chest.

"You still with me?" he asks softly, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

"Mm-hm."

"Stay awake, Thea."

"'Kay."

"If you o.d. I'm going to kill you," he mutters.

"Relax. I only took two."

"You said maybe."

"I was feeling dramatic."

"They're strong pills," he says doubtfully.

"Not that strong. I've done vertigo, remember?"

"Wait, so you knew you only took two?"

"Yup."

Roy snorts. "You're messed up, you know that?"

"Duh." She stretches languidly. "I feel awesome. This stuff gives you a crazy body high."

"Enjoy it, 'cus it's the last time you're doing this."

Thea laughs softly. "Who knew you'd end up being the responsible one?"

Roy shrugs. "I'm your boyfriend. It's my job to take care of you."

"You don't...have to," she sighs. "Everyone always leaves, anyway."

"Thea." Roy pushes her up so she's looking into his eyes. "I'm not going to leave."

She blinks slowly. "I left."

"That was different. You wanted to know your father."

"Do you think...I'm a bad person?" Her head lolls back and Roy catches her by the wrists, pulling her up before she can hit her head.

"Don't go to sleep," he says sharply.

"Can't...sit up," she murmurs. "My head's too heavy."

Roy shifts sideways so his back's against the door and pulls her to his chest, letting her lean back against him.

"Better?"

"My hero." She rubs her foot up his shin. "I bet sex like this would be awesome."

Roy leans down and kisses her shoulder. "You wouldn't be able to move. It would suck."

"Yeah, but it would feel _so_ good."

Her fingers trail down his thigh and Roy grips her hand in his. "Why do you keep trying to distract me with sex?"

"Who says it's you I'm distracting?"

"So you're using me, huh?" he teases, but his voice is gentle.

"Can you blame me?" She squeezes his hand.

"Well the sex _is_ incredible."

Her eyes roll back in her head. "Totally."

"Thea." There's a sharp sting on her cheek and her eyes snap open. "Oliver's coming out."

She sits up enough to see out the window. Oliver's coming down the steps of the precinct, the baseball cap Felicity brought for him slung low on his forehead. Felicity's behind him and she looks _pissed_. Her arms are crossed across her chest and her lips are pressed tightly together.

He stops at the bottom of the steps and waits for her to catch up. They're obviously arguing; Felicity's hands are flailing in the air. Oliver is just _standing there_, taking it with his head hanging down

"Great," Roy groans. "We're going to be here forever."

"Can I sleep now? I'm really tired."

"If you don't mind being woken up every ten minutes so I know you're still alive."

Thea smiles and lets her eyes drift close. "I'm counting on it."

xxx

She opens her eyes to the blur of someone's face peeking down at her, all creamy skin and blonde hair.

"Mommy?" she croaks.

"She's awake," the woman says, and Thea falls back on the couch cushions, recognizing the voice. _Felicity_.

Thea rubs her eyes. She's in the loft, on the couch. Oliver is standing against the wall. He looks terrible, pale with dark circles under his eyes. His lip is cut.

"I'm going to give you guys some time to talk," Felicity says softly.

Thea watches her cross the room to Ollie. She whispers something in his ear and he nods, his hand low on her back. When Felicity leaves she doesn't go out the front door but up the stairs towards his room.

"Guess I'm in trouble," Thea comments dryly.

Oliver comes to sit on the coffee table in front of her. "You passed out."

"Yeah, I put that together."

He sighs heavily. "Really, Thea? Drugs?"

"It was just a few pills."

"You were out cold."

"Calm down, after school special. I'm not shooting up heroin."

"Thea."

"Where's Roy?" she asks, sitting up.

"I told him to go home."

"Of course you did."

"We have to talk about this."

"I'm so sick of _talking_," she yawns.

"Thea, this has to stop. The attitude, the acting out."

"Is this where you tell me to buck up?" she says. "So I killed someone, boo-hoo for me?"

Ollie places a gentle hand on her knee. "I think you need to deal with what happened and move on."

"Move on," she repeats. "Okay Ollie, I'll get right on that."

Her brother sighs heavily. "I'm trying to help you."

She stares at him. "Telling me to get over it isn't helping."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Look, Ollie, you don't get it, okay? You protect people, you go out every night and you have a purpose. You gave Roy a purpose, and I love you for that, I really do. But that's not going to work for me."

"Speedy."

"He made me into this," Thea says quietly. "You can't take it back. You can't change it."

Ollie grips her leg. "You're not him. You'll never be him."

"I see the way you look at me, you know," she tells him.

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't look at me the way you used to. I can see it, in your eyes. Every time you look at me all you see is what I did."

"That's not _true_."

"It's okay, Ollie. When I look at myself that's all I see too,"

She pulls away from his touch, climbs over the back of the couch to put space between them.

"Thea, please. I'm your brother. I _love_ you."

"I love you too. But you can't help me. Not with this."

"Thea, don't do this."

"I'm tired," she says simply. "I'm going to take a shower and go to bed."

Ollie lets her go but she feels his eyes on her until she leaves the room.

xxx

In the bathroom she strips down to a camisole and shorts. She turns the shower on and cranks the temperature as high as it will go. She gives it a few minutes, until the bathroom is filled with steam, before pulling out the knife.

It's her knife, one that Malcolm bought her while they were away. It's a butterfly knife, with a hunter green handle and a curved blade. She unhooks the latch and grasps the handle, and with a flick of her wrist the handle swings open, revealing the blade.

Malcolm taught her how to use this knife, how to open it one handed. It's a show off-y kind of piece, a knife you can do tricks with if you know how to use it.

She swings it around a little, flipping her hand to reveal the blade and then another rotation to shut it closed. A quick flip, the blade pops back out and she catches the swinging part of the handle in her fingers.

Thea sinks to the floor, leaning against the huge tub, and presses the tip to her wrist. She cannot imagine the kinds of scars this knife could give, with its cruel curved blade. She wonders, if she dug the knife into her skin, what kinds of patterns it would make. What could be purged from her.

Thea imagines blood spilling onto the marble floor and sighs. Now that would be a bitch to clean up.

She could use it like an arrow. Point the tip of the knife towards her chest and let it fly. The blade's not long, only four inches. Thea rubs her chest, wonders how far into her body her heart hides, trembling behind the cage of her ribs.

She doesn't know how long she sits there, the knife hovering over her skin. The voice in her head telling her to _do it, already_.

"Thea!" Ollie's knocking at the door. "Thea, you've been in there for almost an hour."

She traces the knife up her arm, over the vein. She knows the right way to do it, how to open it up for maximum blood loss.

Her father taught her that.

The handle on the door rattles, the lock buckling under the force of her brother's hand.

"Thea, I'm coming in."

There's a terrible wrenching sound and the lock pops, and Ollie runs into the bathroom, stopping when he sees the knife in her hands.

"Oh, Thea." He sinks to the floor in front of her, arms outstretched. "Thea, what are you doing?"

"Sitting," she says calmly.

"Thea, give me the knife."

"Don't worry." She flicks her wrist, making the blade fly in an arc. "I know what I'm doing."

Ollie's eyes are glassy. "That's what I'm worried about."

"I wonder what if felt like," Thea murmurs.

"What, Speedy?" His voice is so soft, like he's afraid of startling her.

"Sara. Do you think the arrows hurt?" She rolls her eyes. "What am I talking about, of course it hurt."

Ollie rubs his eyes. "You got her through the heart. At least it was quick. That's the best you can ask for."

"I can't stop thinking about it," she admits in a low voice. "I can't even look in the mirror, anymore."

His hand's on her wrist, so light, ready to snatch the knife from her grasp.

"I know," he says, so gentle it makes her want to cry. "I understand."

"I don't even know who I _am_."

"You're my sister."

"I'm not even a Queen. Not really."

"No." Ollie shakes his head. "Dad loved you. You were just as much his as I was. You've always been ours, Thea. Not _his_. Never his."

"Ollie."

His hand spreads over her fingers. "Give me the knife, Thea."

"Sometimes I just want to die," she whispers, and she lets Ollie take it.

He exhales sharply and yanks her up, cradling her against his huge chest.

"I love you more than anything," he says fiercely. "Everything I did on that island, I did it to come back to you. I'll _always _come for you. So you are not allowed to die. Not on my watch."

Oliver carries her to the living room and wraps her up in a heavy blanket. They lie on the couch together, one of his arms slung around her shoulders, and watch old movies on tv.

Eventually he pours a glass of bourbon for himself and holds out the glass to her.

"Just a sip," he warns.

It goes down warm in her throat, and she lets her brother's solid hand on her back lull her to sleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

She wakes to sunshine on her face and the smell of coffee wafting in. Thea starts to sit up but hears hushed voices in the kitchen and lays back down to listen.

"We have do something," Felicity is saying. "This is getting out of control."

"I know." Ollie's voice sounds scratchy.

"She needs help."

"I can help her."

"_Oliver_."

"Felicity, she'll be fine. She just needs some time."

"Time to give her enough rope to hang herself with?"

"She'll be okay."

"Like you're okay?" she snaps.

"Felicity."

"Oliver, she's a _child_. When you were her age you were getting drunk at frat parties and kicked off college campuses. "

"I know that."

"This is too much for her. It'd be too much for almost anyone."

"Thea's strong," Ollie says.

"I'm not saying that she's not."

There's a pause, and Thea can almost picture her brother's furrowed brow.

"You think I can't help her?" Oliver asks.

"I think she needs more help than you can give her. She's not like you, Oliver. She's not a vigilante. She's just a girl that sucked into this huge mess. She never asked for any of this."

There's a pause and then Ollie says, "She left with Malcolm Merlyn."

"She was confused," Felicity counters. "Everyone she loved had lied to her. She didn't know whom to trust. You can't hold that against her."

A stool squeaks. "I know," she hears her brother whisper. "You're right."

Thea waits another minute but there's no more talking, just the clinking of mugs. She stretches, rolling off the couch and heads to the open kitchen.

Felicity and Oliver are at the counter, sitting side-by-side on stools. He's only wearing sweatpants slung low around his hips, and Felicity's wearing one of his sweatshirts like a dress, bare legs swinging. She has her head on his shoulder and his hand is on his thigh.

It's the very picture of domestic bliss, and something sharp twists in her chest. How many mornings did she stumble down the stairs as a child and see her parents like this?

She wants to go back. Back when she was a child, before Mirakuru and arrows and assassins. She wants to be a little girl again, hop up on Ollie's lap and beg him to make her pancakes.

"Thea?" Oliver is staring at her. She tries to say something but tears sting her eyes and her throat closes up. She wants to move, to go to him, but she's stuck, feet frozen to the floor.

Ollie holds his hand out to her but it is Felicity who hops off her stool, who crosses the kitchen and enfolds her in a hug.

Thea bursts into tears.

"Shh." Felicity rubs her back and it feels good, natural, like they've done this a million times. Like being held by her mother.

"Everything's going to be okay," Felicity whispers. "We're going to get you some help."

Thea sobs into her shoulder and it feels so _good_, to let the pain out.

"Don't worry," Felicity says. "We're going to take care of everything, okay?"

"Thank you," Thea cries, relief like a wave crashing over, and then she's apologizing, begging for their forgiveness, rambling about how badly she screwed up.

"Hey." Felicity smooths her hair back and wipes her tears with her sleeve. "Nobody's angry with you. These things happen."

Thea lets out a little watery laugh. "If you say so."

"You know," Felicity says with a little wink, "I bet you could talk your brother into making us pancakes."

She looks over Felicity's shoulder to Ollie, who is watching them with a strange mixture of sadness and pride. She reaches for her brother and he comes to her, wrapping an arm around each of them, creating a three way hug with Thea in the middle.

"Ollie's a terrible cook," Thea tells Felicity.

"Hey!" he protests. "I can handle pancakes."

"Only because Raisa taught you."

"I'll have you know, I've made millions of decent pancakes."

Felicity raises an eyebrow. "That's your killer post-coital meal? Pancakes?"

To Thea's amazement, Ollie flushes and smiles uncomfortably. "Yeah," he admits.

"Impressive," Felicity teases.

"Okay, you guys are together now, right?" Thea asks.

Oliver and Felicity share a little look, and then her brother gives her a full blown smile.

"Yes, we're together," he confirms.

Thea squeals. "Took you long enough!"

"Come on, Thea," Felicity says. "Let's watch your brother try not to burn down the kitchen."

xxx

The psychologist's office is in a high rise professional building in downtown Starling City. Thea stares out the window in the waiting room, legs bouncing nervously, while Ollie fills out forms next to her.

Felicity picked the therapist; did background checks on multiple doctors until she found one she felt confident about. All Thea knows is that she's a woman; her specialty is adolescents and trauma.

Thea tries not to be offended at the word adolescent. It seems a little condescending. At nineteen, she's been through more than most people have been through in two lifetimes.

"You okay?" Ollie's hand comes down to her knee.

"Yeah."

He nudges her shoulder. "You're going to do great."

"You're gonna wait here, right?"

Oliver smiles gently. "I'll be right here."

"Thea Queen?"

She stands up, rubs her sweaty palms on her jeans. She gives her brother a big smile, all false bravado. "Here goes nothing."

"Wait." His fingers brush her wrist. "Do you remember-"

"I know, Ollie."

He smiles apologetically. "Just making sure."

Last night they sat down and made a list of all the things she can't talk about it. It's actually shorter than she thought- anything connected to the League of Assassins is off limits (duh, Thea had said, rolling her eyes), but not much else. She is allowed to talk about Sara but not about how she died ("seriously, Ollie," she'd said, "how dumb do you think I am?").

"Hey," he says, and squeezes her hand. "I love you."

She softens, leans into him so he can plant a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you too."

xxx

She sits on a black leather couch while the therapist sits across from her in an arm chair.

"So, Thea," the woman says, a warm smile on her face. "Why don't you tell me why you're here today?"

"I don't know if you've heard, but I've kind of had a crazy few years," she says flippantly.

The therapist nods. "If you don't mind, I'd like to hear it from you."

To her surprise, once Thea opens her mouth, she can't stop talking.

She talks about her father and her brother, who left on a boat and never came back. Until her brother did, but he came back _different_. Harder. Angrier.

She talks about her mother, the woman who helped destroy the glades. How suddenly being a Queen was a humiliation instead of a badge of honor. And then it turned out Thea wasn't a Queen at all, but the daughter of a mass murderer.

She talks about a man with an intriguing accent and a sword. She talks about her mother dying at his hand, like a lioness, sacrificing herself. How she walks around with a hole in her heart, a gnawing ache that can't be filled with sex or drugs or alcohol.

She talks about a girl with blond hair and a dimple in her chin. A girl her brother loved, who returned from the dead only to die a year later, laid out on the pavement with arrows in her chest.

She talks about guilt. How she gets up in the morning and wonders, why her? What has she done, why is she being punished like this? To be one of the living among so many bodies. The keeper of memories she doesn't want.

"I feel so weak," she explains. "My brother...he's the strongest person I know. Everything that happens...he just handles it. I want to be like him. To be strong like him, but I'm not."

"You know, Thea," her therapist says. "Asking for help can be extremely difficult. That doesn't make you weak. It makes you brave."

Thea smiles.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Last Chapter! Hope you all enjoy :) Please review!  
**

Things don't get better all at once.

It's slow; it takes time. It's like spring: the thawing of ice, the cold wet ground, sleepy plant buds opening bit by bit.

Some days are full of rain, thunderstorms in her head. Her skies are full of darks clouds and Thea feels like she'll never see the sun again.

But then there are days when the air is fresh and flowers bloom all around her. Days where she laughs and maybe cries too, because it feels so good to feel again, even if what she feels is sadness.

Grief is a strange process. She mourns the brother she never knew, the father with a different name that she lost too early. She mourns her mother, who will never see Thea get married or become a mother herself.

She mourns her childhood, her innocence. She longs for the girl she used to be, who felt safe, who could trust. Who laughed and played and moved confidently through the world.

She feels fragile in a way she never has before. She has no walls left, no defense mechanisms. When she's upset she can't turn to booze or pills. She has to white knuckle her way through it, every time.

Every week Ollie drives her to therapy. He waits the full hour in the waiting room, and when she's done he takes her out for ice cream and they talk.

She asks him lots of questions, about the way things were before. There were so many lies, false stories she believed. She needs the truth, needs to understand her family so she can understand herself.

She gets long lunches with Felicity and sometimes they go shopping or get manicures after. She never realized how lonely she was before, how badly she needed a friend. Oliver is amused at their friendship. He takes them out to dinner with one of them on each arm, calls them _my girls.  
_  
Felicity moves into the loft. When Oliver asks her for permission he's so awkward about it that she says, "Just tell me if I need to wear headphones at night and we'll be fine."

His face turns red and she laughs and laughs.

xxx

One night she comes home and Malcolm is waiting in her kitchen. She screams at him, picking up a plate and hurling it at his head.

"Well," he says calmly. "I can see you're not in the mood for a chat. Perhaps another time."

When they come home Oliver and Felicity find her on the floor with her back pressed up against the dishwasher, eyes glazed over.

"Thea," Oliver says sharply. "Why was the door open?"

"I hate him," Thea rasps. "I _hate_ him."

"Thea, what happened?"

She shakes her head, a horrible pressure building in her chest as anger floods her veins. She's shaking so hard she can hear her teeth rattle.

"I hate him!" she cries again, slamming her head backwards into the dishwasher.

Ollie picks her up and carries her up the stairs. He has her slung over his shoulder and she pounds on his back, raging against Malcolm and their mother and the universe.

She understands what Roy means now, when he talks about getting angry. How it takes over like a wildfire, until you become the fire and it burns until you think you'll explode.

He puts her down in his shower and turns cold water on her. She shrieks, covering her face as her body jolts against the assault.

"What the _fuck_, Ollie?"

"You need to calm down," he says sternly, and behind him she can hear Felicity say, "_Oliver_."

"Go," Felicity says. "I've got this."

Felicity turns the water off and helps her out. She's crying angrily but she's losing steam, like a child on the tail end of a temper tantrum. Felicity peels her wet clothes off and wraps her in a towel.

"Come on," Felicity says gently, squeezing water out of her hair with a towel. "It's okay. He can't hurt you anymore."

Thea shivers. "How did you know?"

"Well, I haven't seen my dad since I was a kid," Felicity says, "but if I ever saw him again that is definitely the face I would be making."

Felicity helps her change into pajamas and leads her to her room. Thea climbs into her bed and Felicity sits cross legged next to her.

"Sorry," Thea apologizes. "I'm sure when you moved in you didn't think you'd be babysitting a damaged teenager."

"You're not damaged," Felicity says gently. "And besides," she says, her hands twisting in her lap, "we're going to be family soon, and family looks out for each other."

Thea's mouth falls open. "What?"

"Only if it's okay with you," Felicity says quickly.

"Ollie proposed?"

Felicity smiles. "We've been talking about it. I wanted to know how you felt about it first. I know it sounds really fast, but well...life is short, you know?"

Thea's eyes fill with tears. "We're going to be sisters?"

"I would like that very much," Felicity says seriously, and Thea throws her arms around her.

"This is amazing!" Thea exclaims, and Felicity laughs.

"I can't believe he didn't tell me," she complains, snuggling back in her bed and pulling Felicity down with her.

"You've been through a lot of change," Felicity explains. "We didn't want to overwhelm you."

Thea looks up at her. "Can we go dress shopping together?"

"I would love that."

Thea smiles happily and yawns.

"You should go to sleep."

Thea bites her lip. "Actually...could you stay? Just for a little while?"

Felicity smiles warmly. "Sure, Thea."

When she wakes up in the middle of the night Felicity is gone but Ollie is there, fast asleep on top of the covers, his hand protectively cupping the back of her head.

xxx

Roy comes over one night, surprising her when she hears her bedroom door slam shut.

She's sprawled on her stomach with her head propped on her elbow, nodding along to music. She's started designing again. She has a new sketchbook and high quality colored pencils that she uses to draw gowns. She draws them in bright colors, flocks of ladies like tropical birds in peacock blue or papaya.

She draws happy clothes; clothes that will make people smile.

Roy grins, dropping onto her bed, and she pulls her earbuds out.

"I like this," he says, pointing at the red minidress she's working on.

"Thanks," she smiles shyly.

"You'd look hot in it."

"Yeah?" she asks, peeking up at him through her lashes.

He leans down and kisses the tip of her nose. "Definitely."

"Patrol go okay?" she asks, gathering up her pencils.

"Nothing too bad," he says, one hand kneading his shoulder and wincing.

"That still sore?"

"Yeah." He rotates his arm slowly, a grimace on his face.

She reaches for the zipper of his hoodie. "Want to take a bath? It'll loosen you up."

Roy's fingers grasp her wrist. "Only if you're there too."

She smiles. "I think we can make that happen."

In the bathroom she sits on the edge of the huge tub and runs hot water until it's full. When she turns around Roy is naked, and she immediately flushes, wetness pooling between her legs.

He catches her looking and grins wickedly. "See something you like?"

She can only nod, her mouth dry.

They haven't had sex since _that_ night. It was Roy's idea to abstain for a while. When he brought it up she pouted and asked, "For how long?"

Roy had kisses her softly and said, "Until I don't have to worry about you using sex as a way to hurt yourself."

They still kiss, they still sleep in the same bed most nights, but he hasn't touched her in _ages_. She's turned on just by looking at him, remembering the way he feels inside her.

Roy crosses to the tub and dips a toe, sighing in approval. His hands come to the waistband of her boxer shorts. "Take these off," he says softly.

She strips quickly, and joins him in the tub. She sighs, her body melting into the hot water. Roy nods across from her, the tension draining from his face

"Hey," he says, nudging her with his toe. "What're you doing over there?"

She gives him a coy smile. "Taking a bath."

He leans toward her, reaching for her hands. "Come take a bath over here."

He pulls her through the water, turning her in his hands so that she's leaning on his chest between his legs. She can feel him hard against her lower back and she clenches her thighs together.

"Roy?" she asks tentatively.

His head comes down to kiss her shoulder. "I'm so proud of you."

"Really?" she asks breathily.

One hand snakes around her waist and the other cups her bent knee, causing a jolt of heat to run up to her core.

"You're getting better," he says into her skin. His thumb starts to caress her knee. "You haven't taken any pills, right?"

"No," she bites out, as the hand on her knee drifts to her thigh.

"And you haven't been playing with knives?" he teases. His hand starts to massage her gently, making her quiver.

"No," she murmurs, and gasps sharply when his hand slides over her hip and parts her legs. "I've been good."

"That's right. You're a good girl," he says, but it comes out sounding dirty.

"Yes," she all but moans, her nails digging into his leg.

"Well," Roy says, suddenly all business. "Then you deserve a reward."

"What...kind of reward?" she grits out, his hands brushing her inner thighs.

"You haven't come in weeks, have you?" he murmurs, fingers parting her slowly.

She cries out immediately, her hips tilting up. The hand on her waist tightens, keeping her from pushing into his hand.

"We have all night," he reminds her. "No rush."

"Will you...fuck me, too?" Thea asks, shivering, his fingers touching her with firm strokes.

"You miss my cock?" he teases, tapping her clit.

"_Yes,_" she groans.

"Well..." he trails off, and she wants to cry. He has all the power and he knows it, she's putty in his arms.

"You gonna be good?" Roy asks. "Am I going to have to fuck you for three hours until you can't think anymore?"

"No," she says sharply, pressure starting to build under his fingers. "I don't need it like that anymore."

She reaches down and tries to push his fingers so they can go inside her where she wants them the most. Roy clucks and pulls his hand away.

"Be good," he admonishes, making her whine.

"Please," she cries.

"Please, what?"

"Please make me come. I'll be good, I'll promise."

"Thea," he says, fingers returning to her swollen clit. "By now you should trust me to make you come."

"You're turning sex into a trust exercise?" she gasps, tendrils of heat unfurling deep in her belly.

"It's more fun this way," Roy says. "The point is that you trust me to give you what you need. So you can relax and _enjoy_."

"Okay," she pants, her hands braced on his thighs. "I can do that."

He kisses her temple. "Good girl," he says softly, and puts two fingers inside her.

She moans, obscenely loud, as he pumps them teasingly slow.

"I have to move," she cries, pulling at the hand holding her hips down.

He loosens his grip, allowing her to rock her hips against his hand. He plants the palm of his hand on her clit as his fingers twist inside her, letting her grind hard against him.

"_Roy_," she shouts, as heat and pressure spiral inside her, building and building until she comes with a scream, pulsing around his fingers.

"Wow," she sighs contently, collapsing against his chest.

Roy grins down at her, blue eyes sparkling. "Thea?"

"Hmm?"

Roy grips her wrists and pulls her up so she's only ankle deep in the tub. "Get your ass in the bedroom."

She squeals, laughing as he chases her to the bed and throws her on top of the covers. He gets a condom on, fast, and she pulls him down on top of her, relishing his warm weight.

He pushes her knees apart and puts a finger inside her. "You're wet as fuck," he announces, and puts the finger in his mouth and _licks_.

"Do I get a reward for that too?" she asks teasingly,

Roy laughs and she feels something blooming in her chest, something warm and all encompassing. She realizes she's shaking, her legs trembling and her core clenching.

"Say yes," she finds herself saying. "Please."

He kisses her, pulling her bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling.

"I think that can be arranged," he says in a low voice, reaching down to line them up.

"I've been good," she reminds him.

He slides one hand under her ass, lifting her pelvis up and pushes into her. She groans, adjusting to his length. He kisses her again, swallowing her moans as he pulls out and slides back in.

He hits her with slow deep strokes, hands firmly on her hips to keep her from losing control. It doesn't help, she's already halfway there, clenching around him desperately.

"Roy," she pleads, her eyes shut tight. "_Roy, Roy_."

"Look at me," he demands. "Thea."

She forces her eyes open. He's hovering above her, pumping into her with a level of control she's never had. His blue eyes are dark with arousal, looking at her in a way that makes the breath catches in her throat, the unexpected intimacy making her heart jump.

"You'll come," Roy assures her. "Just relax."

"I need more," she whines. This is new, this tender slow dance he's leading her through, and it's _scary_. A hard fuck would be so much easier than this.

"No you don't," he says calmly, hitting her in a steady rhythm.

"What are you doing to me?" she groans, trying to roll her hips even as he holds her down on the bed. She feels on the edge, out of control. She wants to flip them over, grind down on him until she comes.

She feels so exposed like this. Vulnerable.

Roy gives her a wry little smile. "I'm trying to make love to you."

"Oh," she says dumbly.

"That okay?" he asks tenderly, brushing hair off her forehead.

She nods, tilting her head up for a kiss. "You're just a softy under all those muscles, aren't you?" she whispers, palming his ass in her hand and squeezing.

"Only for you," he mutters, and pushes her knees up toward her shoulders.

The change of angle allows him to go deeper and she cries out as he starts to hit her clit with every stroke.

"I love you, Thea," he murmurs, and then he's pounding into her, just the way she likes.

"_Ahh, ahh,_ Roy, oh _god_, please," she starts to babble.

"Told you," he says, hands tight on her backs of her thighs.

"What?" she cries, her hips bucking uncontrollably.

"Told you you'd come," he grits out, and reaches down to rub between her legs.

She comes in sobs, hot tears sliding down her cheeks as wave after wave of liquid heat rolls through her.

He comes quietly, her name slipping past his lips, and he pulls out of her, trashing the used condom and pulling her close.

She's trembling, her whole body coursing with energy. She presses her forehead into the crook of his neck, feeling his hand come up to rub her neck.

"Okay?" he asks softly.

She nods, resting her damp cheek against his hot skin. "That was intense."

"Yeah," he agrees. He pulls back to wipe her face, and cups her cheek in one hand. "Too much?"

She shakes her head. "Perfect."

He pulls on a pair of gym shorts and she puts on her robe, and they pad into the kitchen. They steal one of Felicity's pints of mint chocolate chip and eat at the counter.

"Won't she be mad?" Roy asks, which doesn't stop him from digging his spoon into the ice cream.

Thea shrugs. "She has to learn. First rule of having a sister: you will get your stuff stolen."

Roy snorts. "Fair enough."

"It's crazy," Thea says, "about the wedding. They're so happy."

Roy nods, and puts his spoon down. "Is that something you want?" he asks carefully.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you want to get married?" he asks.

"Roy Harper," she says, grinning. "Did you just propose to me?"

"No," he scowls, and she laughs.

"Maybe one day," she answers his question, wrapping a foot around his ankle. "But I like the way things are now."

"When I propose to you," Roy says, "I'm not going to do it half dressed at three in the morning eating stolen ice cream."

Thea blinks at his words. "When?"

He turns to her, all bright eyes and so beautiful that she freezes. "That's right, I said it."

She laughs in delight. "Roy!"

He rolls his eyes. "Eat your contraband."

xxx

Some days aren't easy.

She misses her parents. She misses her old life; she misses the way things were. Ollie says she has to get used to messy, that sometime the best parts of life come out of the mess.

Some days she still cries, but she's quicker to laugh, to find the bright side

She focuses on the good things, no matter how small.

Her brother and Felicity, slow dancing in the living room without music.

Roy, quick as a panther, chasing her through the loft, scooping her up and planting kisses all over her face.

Oliver takes her to Tommy's grave. They bring flowers and sit on the grass, and he tells her stories about him and Tommy when they were boys.

She helps Felicity plan the wedding. They go to the florist, to dress fittings. Felicity introduces Thea to everyone they meet as her sister.

They host dinner every Sunday night at the loft. Roy always comes, never one to turn down free food. Laurel comes occasionally and while she isn't exactly warm she's not mean either. Dig and Lyla come most nights with the baby.

Her parents are gone but she's surrounded by family everywhere she turns, and somehow, deep down, she knows she's going to be okay.

She's getting stronger every day.

The End.

****AN**** Go to my profile page to read the sequel to this story, Strong ;)


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